What has my life coe to....

Bloody hell..it has been a long time since I last blogged...

Over two years and even then I did not finish the story of the Barcelona trip...

Loads of water under the bridge since then...

Which comes to the reason why I a blogging right now...

In a nutshell..I fell in love..and by that I mean passionately in love...fireworks..tummy flipping... uncontrollably..madly, deeply, soulmatey..never ever experienced anything like it in my life....head over heals in love.....

Never thought I had it in me....

Just coming to the end of a 16 year old loveless, passionless, sexless, relationship..all for the sake of the children type relationship....

Anyway.....It knocked my sox off......

Of course at the time..the silly sod didn't realise it.. he had no idea that we were about to embark on the most important and amazing relationship of both of our lives........

Again..cutting the story short....

He went off and shagged loads of women....I spent a shed loads of money visiting Cardiff to spend passionate nights with him in clandestine venues....(Thanks Dave..)

He in the mean time found a woman who had a great arse that he also fell in love with....but had a habbit of smashing him over the head with vodka bottles....

I eventually mustered all my courage to leave my loveless situation....and make the move to Cardiff....(looking forward to all the loverly male company I could get my hands on.....(I was soo over him at this point.)

Two weeks into my new life......I had arranged to have a drink with a toyboy.....who stood me up at the last minute....(you know who you are..he he he) and I end up in a pub with my by then broken and beat up man...

I stupidly....or very fortuitously ended up giving the love of my life a lifeline of shelter and peace of mind until he sorted himself out....

The rest you could say is history..

What I did not count on is the fact that at the time I had a full time job at the time...

Money no object......

Anyway..somehow between us we ran up a credit card bill of £3.000 pounds..and had a lot of fun doing it...

Anyway..in the mean time...the employers that made it possible to move down to Cardiff in the first place...(ahem..Newport Youth Services..),,that guaranteed me full time job with a £23 grand salary for three years...decided to cut my hours down to half....oh bugger!!!

This seems to be the point when me and my soulmate's honeymoon period started to hit small but not insurmountable problems..I was no longer bringing in the big bucks,,and we decided that it was a good idea to move into a place in Cardiff that he could have his own studio to work on his stuff.....

And so we did.....all should be well........YAY!!!

Not so..as my now part time wages were not sufficient to support our lifestyle....

My job became insufferable..(that could be a blog in itself..)

Anyway..cutting to the chase.....I was eventually laid off....due to insufficient funding for my project ( bloody government cuts!!!)

I have ended up on JSA......OMG....they meant it when they said that they were gonna make it really hard for people to stay on benefits!!

OK...so I have now been on JSA for two months..not because I want to be..but because it was forced upon me..FINALLY I have been given a job interview.....PHEW....

Oh..bugger me..after a long investigation on My behalf..I have worked out that I will be worse off being employed than I would be if if I stayed at hoe and did nothing..!!

The point of my story is........that I am NOT here in this position through any fault of my own, it is part of the process........but because the person I fell in love with is now giving me a really hard time at the moment.....as we have no money.. I want him to shut up about it....Things will change....I knows it.....

I am still madly in love....Oh bugger..!!

Barcelona or Bust part deux...!!

Woke up feeling hazy with noooo idea what time..the hotel room had one tiny window that looked over the most wonderful view of an enclosed, what only can be described as a ventilation shaft with a perspex roof......

Oh well you can't have everything.......

Breakfast finishes at 10:30.....how very civilised....rather than disturb my companion I decided to run off downstairs and eat something and see what I can bring back up....um......no room service either....

Manage to sneak up a couple of croisants and some bread and ham......and am greeted by the beautiful sound of snoring......ok........read a book for an hour...ZZZZZZZZZZ..and another hour..ZZZZZZZZZ...bugger this...I'm off for a little explore......

What a beautiful city this is...wandering by the harbour deciding which yatch to buy.....decide I want to come and live here......so continue to wander and mooch around for another hour or so. I finaly decide that I need some company, to share my thoughts with....so slowly saunter back....it is now 1:30....

OMG.....how long can one person sleep for..???

Go for another wander..end up in the red light district and decide that he must be up by now!!!!!

Finally...after another hour or so..after having a fag, using the bathroom, finding the other clean-ish sock and then putting original ones back on...doing hair.....and I thought I took a long tme to get myself looking vaguely respectable....we are on our way to the beach.......HOORAHHHH!!!

Looking back on it..this..lying on the beach was just perfect......drinking some cold beer with the sun on your back with some extremely funny company.......what more could you want.......

I decide to go for a paddle...........and this is where it all starts to go horribly wrong......!!!

Turn round to look back to our spot.....'Um...where is my rucksack????'

No seriously......where is my rucksack.....it has got my wallet, my money, (90 euros...)  my camera, (over 100 photos, including some from Sunday night...) my MP3 player (with over 3000 songs on it..) my jacket, my book, my pens...oh.....ohhh..OOOHHHHHH!!!! ...and the hotel key.....!!!!!!!!  LAPTOP!!!!!Back in hotel room..!!!!... We can see the drag marks where someone....(the man who I saw sitting close and wondered why....oh innocent country bumkin me....) had dragged it away....

Sooooo leg it back to hotel  as fast as possible..laughing and giggling...cos if you don't you will surely cry..!!!! In the  meanwhile, I phone my mum...HELP!!!....all she does is shout at me....so forget that avenue.....

What seems like hours later we arrive back at the hotel..it must be at least a couple of miles from the beach..(important to note!!) Talk to the receptionist, tell her about key, run up to the room, all is safe..phew......lets have a quick beer while we are here..there are still some left from the beach..then do the police station.... also spend my time phoning friends in Wales to get them to go to my flat to get some of my bank details so  I can transfer some money.............not looking forward to my phone bill on this one......

Right..at the police station which is just round the corner from hotel, try talking to police who cant speak english..doh!!

Still there 45 mins later.....eventually the nice policeman looks at me and says...'What color eez yur baag..?'  I tell him.grey with pink flowers........aaaaaand...........bugger me he produces it from behind the counter....'ees thees your bag..?' Bloody hell........!!!!.of course I hope beyond hope that it has everything in it.......but...no....missing money (90 euors) Camera (Over 200 photos) MP3 player ( over 3000 songs) wallet including driving licence......ah well it has my book my coat my pens, my crossword puzzles.........thank god for small mercies....

Unfortunately the night is not yet over...we are told to wait in the waiting room until called...which we both do.....for about an hour........then one of us decides to go for a beer and watch the football..and guess what..it is not me.........

Two hours later I am called into the side room to make my statement..by which time I have a very serious interpreter...the paperwork is all filled in and I am ready to leave....

Phew........just one thing....I am still alone........when I finally do get outside however.......there he iwanting to know where I had disappeared to.........um.......into an interview room.!!!.....but hey...it is over, now to see if the money that I had transfered from my account to another over the phone had gone in so we could relax over a nice cold beer.......

Ah.......no money......half hour later...no money...back to hotel room, hang around, stress stress stress..........so I go out to see if it has gone through......again......and again....and again....then decide to phone my bank.....again.....only to be told it wasnt going to go through till the next day......oh well....lets just give it up and sleep......back to hotel room.......and yes......he is sleeping like a baby........I read a book for a bit then also drift off........what a day...........!!!!!

Tomorrow is another one..fresh and clean and new..:)

Here ends part Deux of Barcellona or bust..........

Barcelona or bust.....Day I....

Ok, so after two days of the usual debauchery and drunkeness that accompnies a weekend with some very sick boys indeed, I headed off to Barcelona. My travel companion having been cajoeled and coaxed into getting their shit together BEFORE the weekends shenanigans......or so I thought......

One pair of underpants, and three socks.......um.......and very little else.......

The early morning drive to the airport went without any hitches.........phew...

After the usual pissing about buying books, crossword puzzles, water, check-ins etc.....the next step proved to be a bit more tricky......

Off with the boots..those metal heels will certainly go beeep...revealing two of the socks that I think were supposed to be white...oh then off with the belt, the bags, the necklace, the coats, until we were left standing in just a shirt and trousers......or in my case......just a little dress.....

Then of course back on with it all.....bloody hell....they know how to delay a departure....

By the time we got into the departure lounge...they were already queing up for boarding... in usual arrogant popstar style, dark glasses on, head down we jump to the front of the queue...nice one...

Ok..so I hate flying and there is the usual banter about wings falling off, engines going on fire, oh christ..thanks!!.....anyway it was a smooth take off.....and then on with the Gin drinking....oh..apart from the fact that I hate gin and was so scared that there was no way I was going to drink that early in the morning......

Anyway......smooth flight really, no turbulance and all is well......until we get to the airport on the other side......my travel companion needed a cigarette and rushed outside, through the arrival doors ignoring my advice that they wouldnt be allowed back in...............um.......leaving me to collect the luggage...............great..........abandoned in Barcelona after just 10 minutes........1 hour later I am still waiting for the bags..............

FINALLY the bags come hurtling....(OK, crawling) towards me on the conveyor belt.....one suitcase, one rucksack, one sports bag.............(with only one sock in it).......all left for me to struggle with through customs, showing my passport, the paperwork,  and eventually find my way out of the building......

Next step is find our way to the train station to get a train into town to a hotel that as yet we havnt got a map to be able to find....

Now then.....making your way to Spain with someone who is supposed to speak Spannish..then finding out they cant...well......this is gonna be an interesting trip.......!!!

So the usual rigmarole is acted out...miming pointing and shrugging, but finally two tickets were purchased.....(with the euros I had the foresight to buy before flying..) and we are off again...

I think I am now begining to relax....we alight from the train, and straight into a bar..oh well....if you cant beat em..join em...I am on holiday after all...

After we leave the bar, we saunter off down the road to get a taxi to the hotel....only I suddenly realise that I have left ALL the paperwork on the bar table..I think......checking pockets, bags, boots......!!!

When a nice man in the suit, tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a pile a soggy pile that thank god was indeed our paperwork.....PHEW!!!!

FINALLY we reach our place of rest for the week...check-in and...um......go find a bar.....or two....oh and then another one.....before I know it....we are drunk and happy and tired and decide to retire for the night and have a well earned rest until the next day when we can get up sometime in the morning and do a bit of exploring.........or so I thought...............

Here Endeth part I.......please tune in tomorrow for day II of Barcelona or Bust.....

Stuff that makes me want to cry...

Today I found a dead bird.

It had a floppy head.

I picked it up from the cold gutter where it lay.

I placed it in a place that was green.

The meaning of life really is obsurd....

I imagined that I was that bird lying with a broken wing.

But there was no-one to to pick me up and place me in that safe place.....

I wondered if that was actually true...

Then I picked myself up and placed myself in that safe place...

I cried then...

I think I deserve that much...

I washed my eyes out with my tears....tried to cleanse myself......with the feeling that it is not my fault...I have done nothing wrong.....

I curse myself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time......the wrong cornfield...

Here I am still running naked through the corn....but I have found myself unaccompanied...though I think I can still see the place that I left my clothes...with you still standing by the side with your trousers still on....


I hope some day you will join me....

22nd Feb 1992

Illusions........

The sun is shining..the world looks all pink and bright and clean.....

I love wearing my rose tinted spectacles.....

Bollox

What makes me angry.......?

Selfish tight arsed fuckers....!!

I left with nothing and still have nothing and will get nothing.....

What a complete and utter waste of 16 years!!!!!

Bacon...

And to top it all off.........I have bacon but no bread.....!!!